Thursday, February 17, 2011

I wonder what he dreams???

Sometimes at night, when all is peaceful in this house..which with 4 boys is very seldom, I sneak into Nicholas' room and watch him sleep. He sleeps like an angel, no joke, he actually folds his hands on the side of his face and lays on them. His eyelashes are so long they curl up and the white skin that is usually covered by his glasses, is all exposed and tender. Often he is smiling and laughing in his sleep and I wonder what does he dream about? I know my other boys dream about airsoft guns and playing or living with a not "so mean mom" that wouldn't make them do chores, homework or..SHOWER!! I wonder if he dreams about talking, screaming and singing. Frustrated with sign language and pointing, does he dream of being able to articulate just exactly what he wants to me? Does he dream of eating gallons of ice cream and cans and cans of Slim-Fast (he loves those) or does he dream of being able to ride a bike all on his own? Sometimes what I hope and dream of for him seems so material and selfish; a wife and family of his own, college and driving his own car. But then I wonder, what does he really want? I think all Nicholas ever wants is to be loved and cherished and to just be free to explore the world around him. Unlike most of us, Nicholas finds the simplicity and beauty in the most extraordinary things. Christmas lights,pin wheels, bubble blowers, fans and the air blowing in his face are just a few of these things. His eyes light up when he is allowed to search out the world and touch and smell everything...seriously..everything. While sometimes his floor touching and people sniffing ways are a huge burden, at the end of the day just before he rolls over and goes to sleep, he pulls my face to him, pushes my face so I can nuzzle his neck and kiss his cheeks and laughs and smiles. He holds on to me for some more kisses and looks at me with a look that says, Thanks for loving me, thanks for keeping me and thanks for letting me be me.

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