Sunday, June 3, 2012
My purpose in life stands a little over 4 feet tall. He has dark blond hair and big green eyes that constantly bobble side to side. His grey glasses frame those sweet eyes and usually sit a little crooked on his nose. His smile is always big and the teeth that stick out in all directions gleam white when he grins - which is often. He has the same ears as his father, which luckily are large because they need to hold not only his glasses, but his cochlear implant as well. His ears, as cute as they are, are nothing more than vessels to hold things, as they don’t work. He never stands still, there is an exaggerated style to his gait and he spends most moments of his life in a state of constant “clap”. Whatever the occasion, it is always clap-worthy and Nicholas is happy to oblige. His back curves and his chest sinks in and he’s so skinny you can count his ribs, yet to me and all who love him, he is the most beautiful boy around. While he does not speak, nor hear , his kisses on my cheeks say the things that I always need to hear the most. He sees the world as it is, full of beauty and innocence and thus has never heard nor said a foul word. Nicholas is imperfect. Nicholas is flawed and Nicholas is by no means the child I expected when I first found out I was pregnant with my third son. He will never drive, live on his own or bring me home grandchildren. Sadly, he would be considered a burden to most and unfit to be here by many. However, Nicholas is perfect to me. His flaws make him unique and special and he has changed me and others by just being here. Nicholas has taught me patience, strength and the power of the human spirit to persevere against all odds. When looking at the world through his eyes I see things in their simplest forms. The joy of bubbles and balloons and how they float in the air. The bright colors of flashing lights and the wonder they bring. The feel of the sand between my toes and the sweet taste of pudding in my mouth. These are things that bring the greatest joy to Nicholas. It is not the latest video game or fastest new bike that brings a smile to his face, but the tickles and kisses from his brothers that make him laugh and giggle with joy. He has struggled through surgeries, therapy of every kind, doctors that shook their heads and offered very little encouragement, stares from rude people, and whispers behind his back. Yet through it all, his sweet smile remains and his spirit is strong, because like us, Nicholas knows that life is something that is precious and no matter what the “quality” of that life is, it will be exactly as God has planned it to be. Nicholas, is my purpose in life and for the rest of my life I will be a testimony to the right of every child to exist, to be and to have the chance to become. Life is not just for the perfect, the planned and the fortunate, it is also for the imperfect, the flawed and the unplanned. Sometimes it takes a child who is far from perfect to make those around him see the perfection of the world and to be better people. Nicholas, has done this for me and for every person who knows him. He has made us really see ourselves and the world around us and to appreciate what has been given to us. It is my hope that Nicholas may bring a sense of understanding to those around him and that everyone may one day realize how truly beautiful are those with special needs.