My
purpose in life stands a little over 4 feet tall. He has dark blond hair and
big green eyes that constantly bobble side to side. His grey glasses frame
those sweet eyes and usually sit a little crooked on his nose. His smile is
always big and the teeth that stick out in all directions gleam white when he
grins - which is often. He has the same ears as his father, which luckily are
large because they need to hold not only his glasses, but his cochlear implant
as well. His ears, as cute as they are, are nothing more than vessels to hold
things, as they don’t work. He never stands still, there is an exaggerated
style to his gait and he spends most moments of his life in a state of constant
“clap”. Whatever the occasion, it is always clap-worthy and Nicholas is happy
to oblige. His back curves and his chest sinks in and he’s so skinny you can
count his ribs, yet to me and all who love him, he is the most beautiful boy
around. While he does not speak, nor hear , his kisses on my cheeks say the
things that I always need to hear the most. He sees the world as it is, full of
beauty and innocence and thus has never heard nor said a foul word. Nicholas is
imperfect. Nicholas is flawed and Nicholas is by no means the child I expected
when I first found out I was pregnant with my third son. He will never drive,
live on his own or bring me home grandchildren. Sadly, he would be considered a
burden to most and unfit to be here by many. However, Nicholas is perfect to
me. His flaws make him unique and special and he has changed me and others by
just being here. Nicholas has taught me patience, strength and the power of the
human spirit to persevere against all odds. When looking at the world through
his eyes I see things in their simplest forms. The joy of bubbles and balloons
and how they float in the air. The bright colors of flashing lights and the
wonder they bring. The feel of the sand between my toes and the sweet taste of
pudding in my mouth. These are things that bring the greatest joy to Nicholas.
It is not the latest video game or fastest new bike that brings a smile to his
face, but the tickles and kisses from his brothers that make him laugh and
giggle with joy. He has struggled through surgeries, therapy of every kind,
doctors that shook their heads and offered very little encouragement, stares
from rude people, and whispers behind his back. Yet through it all, his sweet
smile remains and his spirit is strong, because like us, Nicholas knows that
life is something that is precious and no matter what the “quality” of that
life is, it will be exactly as God has planned it to be. Nicholas, is my
purpose in life and for the rest of my life I will be a testimony to the right
of every child to exist, to be and to have the chance to become. Life is not just for the perfect, the planned
and the fortunate, it is also for the imperfect, the flawed and the unplanned.
Sometimes it takes a child who is far from perfect to make those around him see
the perfection of the world and to be better people. Nicholas, has done this
for me and for every person who knows him. He has made us really see ourselves
and the world around us and to appreciate what has been given to us. It is my
hope that Nicholas may bring a sense of understanding to those around him and
that everyone may one day realize how truly beautiful are those with special
needs.
